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If you struggle with social anxiety, you might worry what others think, fear saying the wrong thing, or avoid social situations altogether. You’re not alone – many people feel the same way. How to Make Friends When You Have Social Anxiety.
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Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors. Reviewed by. Editor-in-Chief for Simply Psychology. BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester. Saul McLeod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology. Making friends as an adult is hard enough, and adding social anxiety can make it feel almost impossible. If you struggle with social anxiety, you might worry what others think, fear saying the wrong thing, or avoid social situations altogether. You’re not alone – many people feel the same way. The good news is that having social anxiety doesn’t mean you can’t form real, meaningful friendships. It might take patience and practice stepping out of your comfort zone, but making friends is possible – even if you feel anxious every step of the way. Understand the Challenge. Social anxiety often causes an intense fear of being judged or rejected in social settings, which is why making friends can feel so daunting. You might notice your heart racing or your mind imagining worst-case scenarios (like “They’ll think I’m weird” ) even before an interaction. Remember, these anxious thoughts are symptoms of social anxiety – not objective truths about you. It’s not that you’re incapable of friendship, your brain is just on high alert to protect you from embarrassment. Remind yourself that social anxiety is common and treatable . How you feel now isn’t permanent – with time and practice, it can change. Preparing for Social Situations (Beforehand) Easing your anxiety before you socialize will help you actually take the leap to meet people. Try these tactics prior to an interaction: Challenge negative thoughts. Social anxiety may tell you things like “No one will like me” or “I’ll definitely mess up.” Practice catching those thoughts and questioning them. Ask yourself, “Do I know that for sure?” Then reframe them into more positive or realistic ones. For example, instead of “I always make things awkward,” tell yourself, “I might feel awkward, but others probably won’t judge me for it.” This kind of cognitive reframing can take away some of anxiety’s power. Take small steps outside your comfort zone. Avoiding all social situations keeps you stuck, so start with small , manageable interactions to build confidence. Even saying hello to a neighbor or chatting briefly with a cashier is progress. Each small step teaches you that you can handle social contact, and you can gradually work up to bigger social challenges as your comfort grows. Prepare and practice calming strategies. It helps to have a plan. Think of a couple of easy topics or questions beforehand (for example, commenting on your surroundings or asking about the other person’s hobby) so you feel more ready to start a conversation (BUT, be careful not to overprepare). Also, use relaxation techniques before you go out – try a few deep breaths or a short meditation to center yourself. Taking slow, calming breaths can steady your nerves and signal your body to relax. By preparing some conversation starters and calming yourself, you set yourself up to enter the social situation a bit more confidently. Finding Opportunities to Meet People. Another challenge is figuring out where to meet potential friends, especially in ways that won’t overload your anxiety. Look for low-pressure environments where conversation happens more naturally. For example: Join groups or classes around your interests. When you share an interest with others, it’s easier to start conversations. Consider a book club, gaming meetup, exercise class, or any hobby group you’d enjoy. Focusing on an activity together takes the pressure off. Simply showing up to a regular group activity can help friendships form naturally over time. Start with people you know (a little) You don’t always have to approach total strangers. You could reach out to a coworker, classmate, or neighbor you already know in passing. Invite one of them for a casual coffee or lunch. Building on an existing acquaintance can feel safer since you have some rapport already, and it might gradually grow into a closer friendship. Try friend-making apps – but plan to meet up. Apps like Bumble BFF or Meetup can connect you with people who are also looking for friends. They’re a great way to find potential pals from home, but don’t get stuck only texting. After chatting with someone new, suggest a short meet-up in a public place (like grabbing a coffee). Face-to-face interaction is where real friendships form.
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